Monday, February 13, 2006

Remedial Math With Mike Wilbon...

A couple things from today's show make me think that Mike and Tony (but especially Mike) need to 'revisit' a basic math class before opening their traps.

First, from the story on snowboarding. Both call the sport 'unwatchable' because 'no one under the age of 30 knows what a '1080' is. Now I have to admit, when I first started watching it, it sounded a little strange to me. But then over the course of the next 20 or 30 seconds, I was able to figure it out. IF YOU SPIN IN THE AIR THREE TIMES, THAT'S '3' TIMES '360' DEGREES, WHICH SEEMS TO EQUAL '1080'. Good job guys.

Next, while talking about Wayne Gretzky's wife betting $500,000, Wilbon says, "That's like a guy who makes $50,000 noticing his wife betting $10. This one required even more number crunching than the previous problem, but after doing the math I figure that in order for this to be true, Wayne Gretzky's yearly salary would have to be somewhere in the neighborhood of TWENTY FIVE BILLION DOLLARS, easily making him the richest man in the entire world.

I know sports talk is all about hyperbole, but calculators are built in to most computers these days, making these kind of gross errors just unforgivable.

Class dismissed...

Friday, February 10, 2006

I Believe Wayne Gretzky Is Somehow To Blame

Yeah yeah, so the Seahawks lost. I guess one team just wanted it more. That team, of course, being the team of officials. That being said, the Steelers made two big plays when it counted and I'll be the bigger man (literally) and give them their due props and not contribute to Seattle's building reputation as a city of whiners.

The real reason that I'm happy for the people of Pittsburgh is that I've been in Western Pennsylvania, and if there's anyone that needs a 'pick me up' in the whole world, it's them. I would imagine Sao Paulo shantytowns to be slightly less depressing than cities like Altoona and Johnstown. So if it prevented a few people from putting a gun in their mouth for another week, how can I not be pleased?

Why is everyone so depressed there? Well, let's take a look at the average lifespan of someone from Western PA;

0-14: Hang out in dead grass backyard staring at pole that used to have a tetherball attached to it 30 years ago.

15-18: Find only thing approaching 'meaning' in their life when they play high school football. Most of rest of life will be spent trying to simultaneously relive the entire experience while trying to block out the many borderline 'gay' things they did with the other players in the locker room.

18-25: Off to the Army to try and get killed so they don't have to come back to this awful place.

26-40: Combination of construction, collecting disability and getting laid off.

40-50: Awful sales job only done to keep up with alimony payments to avoid prison.

50-death: Standing outside of hideously ugly brick home with a look on their face that seems to scream, "What the fuck?!"

So if they can mix one Superbowl win in there every 25 years, I say good for them.