Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Pre, Pre-Dictions, Pre, Pre, Pre-Dictions!!!

Time once again to ensure that I look foolish 3 to 4 weeks from now by offering IRON CLAD locks for upcoming football. These picks are as solid as Bob Weiss' job security as Seattle Supersonics head coach!

Here goes!!!

First, College Football;

FSU v. PSU. 28-17 Penn State. Honestly, who gives a shit, but in the Geezers at Caesars, I'll give a slight advantage to the greasy guy with sunglasses over the old racist redneck. UPDATE: Woohoo, 1 for 1!!

Texas v. USC. 38-10 Trojans. Is there anything more predictable than the way the media have handled this game. First they go on for 3 weeks about how dominant USC is, then, realizing that everyone's losing interest, suddenly start talking about how 'the media' (which, as you'll remember, is them) hasn't been giving Texas any credit. It's like watching a retarded kid try and do calculus. UPDATE: Ok I blew it, but if Reggie Bush hadn't gone momentarily brain dead and lateralled that ball in the 2nd quarter, USC would've won by 30...

Now, Pro Football;

Tampa Bay 28, Washington 9. If the Redskins were from any other part of the country, people would be shaking their head in disbelief that they're even in the playoffs. As little faith as I have in Chris Simms, I still think he's got more in the tank than Brunell at this point. UPDATE: Woopsie... I guess Washington's pretty good defensively. Seattle will still kick their ass, however.

Patriots 30, Jacksonville 28. Closer than people think, but who the hell can name more than 3 Jaguars? UPDATE: Not so close after all.

Carolina 33, NY Giants 3. Eli Manning is a tool, a geek, and an ingrate. His draft day shenanigans will come back to bite him in the ass over the next couple of years as he makes Chad Pennington look like the reliable East Rutherford quarterback. UPDATE: Hell fuckin' yeah, I was right! Maybe this will finally shut up the assholes saying that Shawn Alexander shouldn't have won MVP and Tiki '45 yards' Barber should have! Of course, in the grand tradition of East coast biased douchebags, sportswriters are now proclaiming themselves victims, saying that everyone's desperate to criticize Manning and the Giants BECAUSE they were built up so much!!! What the fuck? Take your defeat like a man, New York!!

Cincinnati 45, Pittsburgh 35. Chad Johnson becomes a super, superstar. UPDATE: Maybe not. Good game plan on Pittsburgh's part. I wouldn't have ever thought of breaking the leg of the deserved AFC MVP. Shut up Pitts-town, you know it's true.


Chicago 9, Tampa Bay 6. The single worst playoff game ever.

Seattle 28, Carolina 25 in OT. Great game with a 50 yard field goal to win it.

Bengals 21, Denver 13. Here's everything you need to know about this game; Jake Plummer running plays drawn up by offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak.

Patriots 48, Colts 42 in OT. Brady goes apeshit bonkers in the game that seals his reputation as the new Montana and seals Peyton Manning's reputation as the new Alex Rodriguez.

AFC/NFC Title games;

Seattle 6, Chicago 0. New single worst playoff game ever.

Cincinnati 28, New England 14. Patriots suffer complete let down after emotional victory in Indianapolis while Chad Johnson continues to become the most popular player in the league.

Superbowl XL;

Cincinnati 31, Seattle 28. Won on a last second field goal. Lowest rated Superbowl ever, but probably the most entertaining.

That's it. Put it in the bank, bitches!!!!


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