Friday, October 06, 2006

I Agree With That Guy...

Yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but Wilbon's douche-ness is too much for me to take too. With Kornheiser away more than half the time to do MNF, the show has gone right into the toilet. Lebetard is just unwatchable, Whitlock is miserable, and Jay Mariotti is like a black version of Wilbon (yes, that's what I meant). The only way this show could regain it's glory would be if Kornheiser comes back full time, ditches Wilbon and brings in Bob Ryan on a permanent basis.

They'll never recapture the true glory days, however. Back when Max was hosting Around the Horn and Tony and Mike were actually trying.

Good times...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

"-What is it...?"

"-I don't know... but it's warm..."

This is honestly not a reaction to anything that I saw today on PTI, but I took the show off my Tivo Season Pass list. I can't pin-point one clear "Jump the Shark" moment, but the show's been thoroughly boring for quite some time now. -Maybe it's Tony's pathetic prime-time assimilation attempt, or maybe I've just had enough of Wilbon's weak and misguided"South Side" tough-guy routine, but it all just seems like a waste of time now. -A waste of time to watch, and an even larger waste of time to write about (reading this, of course, was always the most noble, least pathetic, endeavor of all).

Regardless, I wish them, and all five of you, the best of luck in whatever future projects you undertake.

-Jeff

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

All That's Missing Are The Dokken T-shirts And Acid Washed Jeans

Congratulations Gators. You played well and more importantly, made me look like Mr. basketball genius for picking y'all (of course, that was probably negated slightly by my picks of Iowa, Kansas and Tennessee to round out the final four, but I digress).

But enough about that. What the hell is up with bad moustaches in the NCAA? I haven't seen this much poorly grown facial hair since the back parking lot of high school.



From left, National champion Joakim Noah, crying diabetic Adam Morrison, and for no good reason, crummy point guard Kevin Ollie.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Like Christmas Having Sex With Your Birthday

It's the most wonderfullest time of the year. Time for the stinkin' Tournament!

First of all, congratulations to JJ Redick and Adam Morrison for sharing this year's 'Larry Bird Trophy For Certain Intangibles'.

And before I get to my totally spot-on, can't miss picks, a big screw you as usual to Jay Bilas and Steve Lavin of ESPN. The two most shameless homers in all of sports broadcasting did not dissapoint as Jay spent half of the selection show crying about how Duke has the 'hardest' bracket (right before picking them to breeze through it), and then Linda Lavin enthusiastically predicts that some team called 'UCLA' will make it to the final four. Nice objectivity, douchebags.

Anyway, so as not to bore y'all with each and every picks, here's the upsets only;

First Round: Iona over LSU, Oral Roberts over Memphis, Bucknell over Arkansas, Kent State over Pittsburgh, Alabama over Marquette, Wisconsin over Arizona, Seton Hall over Wichita State, George Mason over MSU, UAB over Kentucky.

Second Round: Alabama over UCLA, Wisconsin over Villanova, George Mason over North Carolina, Washington over Illinois.

Sweet 16: Iowa over Texas, Alabama over Gonzaga, Florida over Ohio State.

Elite 8: Iowa over Duke, Kansas over Alabama, Tennessee over UConn, Florida over Boston College.

Final Four: Iowa over Kansas, Florida over Tennessee.

Final: Florida 65-61 over Iowa.

Believe it!!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Credit in the Steroid Era?

Indeed. I do hate Johnny Damon now. In the words of Boston Paul, who stayed at the apartment a few months ago, "I hope he breaks his spine on opening day." (DAMN!)

Bourdet and I were talking about the baseball steroids scandal and we both agreed, the one guy who's never going to get credit for not taking steroids is Ken Griffey Jr.

Everyone loved to harp on how frequently he got hurt. If he was on the juice, think of how much faster he could have got back into the line-up (which, I've read, is a major motivation to use steroids), not to mention how it would have improved his game. I honestly think, if you gave Jim Rice or Andre Dawson the same steroids that Bonds took, he'd be chasing their records. If you gave the same steroids to Griffey Jr., forgettaboutit! -He'd be the reigning home run king. Hell, at the beginning of his career, people had already mathematically figured out if he stayed healthy and had mediocre years, he'd eventually break Aaron's record, but it just didn't work out that way.

I know it's tough to look at this whole dark chapter and try to give credit to someone who didn't cheat, but think of all the temptation that Griffey had all around him: the records, the money, the attention, the legacy, getting off the injured list faster, and he still managed to play fair. That's remarkable in today's sports climate.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Remedial Math With Mike Wilbon...

A couple things from today's show make me think that Mike and Tony (but especially Mike) need to 'revisit' a basic math class before opening their traps.

First, from the story on snowboarding. Both call the sport 'unwatchable' because 'no one under the age of 30 knows what a '1080' is. Now I have to admit, when I first started watching it, it sounded a little strange to me. But then over the course of the next 20 or 30 seconds, I was able to figure it out. IF YOU SPIN IN THE AIR THREE TIMES, THAT'S '3' TIMES '360' DEGREES, WHICH SEEMS TO EQUAL '1080'. Good job guys.

Next, while talking about Wayne Gretzky's wife betting $500,000, Wilbon says, "That's like a guy who makes $50,000 noticing his wife betting $10. This one required even more number crunching than the previous problem, but after doing the math I figure that in order for this to be true, Wayne Gretzky's yearly salary would have to be somewhere in the neighborhood of TWENTY FIVE BILLION DOLLARS, easily making him the richest man in the entire world.

I know sports talk is all about hyperbole, but calculators are built in to most computers these days, making these kind of gross errors just unforgivable.

Class dismissed...

Friday, February 10, 2006

I Believe Wayne Gretzky Is Somehow To Blame

Yeah yeah, so the Seahawks lost. I guess one team just wanted it more. That team, of course, being the team of officials. That being said, the Steelers made two big plays when it counted and I'll be the bigger man (literally) and give them their due props and not contribute to Seattle's building reputation as a city of whiners.

The real reason that I'm happy for the people of Pittsburgh is that I've been in Western Pennsylvania, and if there's anyone that needs a 'pick me up' in the whole world, it's them. I would imagine Sao Paulo shantytowns to be slightly less depressing than cities like Altoona and Johnstown. So if it prevented a few people from putting a gun in their mouth for another week, how can I not be pleased?

Why is everyone so depressed there? Well, let's take a look at the average lifespan of someone from Western PA;

0-14: Hang out in dead grass backyard staring at pole that used to have a tetherball attached to it 30 years ago.

15-18: Find only thing approaching 'meaning' in their life when they play high school football. Most of rest of life will be spent trying to simultaneously relive the entire experience while trying to block out the many borderline 'gay' things they did with the other players in the locker room.

18-25: Off to the Army to try and get killed so they don't have to come back to this awful place.

26-40: Combination of construction, collecting disability and getting laid off.

40-50: Awful sales job only done to keep up with alimony payments to avoid prison.

50-death: Standing outside of hideously ugly brick home with a look on their face that seems to scream, "What the fuck?!"

So if they can mix one Superbowl win in there every 25 years, I say good for them.