Sunday, January 29, 2006

Perhaps Someday The Fear Will Pass, And I'll Be Able To Say "Go Seahawks"...

I'm not a terribly superstitious fellow. All that baloney about pitchers not stepping on the base paths during a no hitter, certain clothes bringing good luck etc. seems like hooey. That, and any other pre or during game rituals done by players or fans seems like mild OCD cloaked in some sort of weird, meglomaniacal belief that the deity that controls everything in the sports world is just as neurotic as the humans watching, and that if Joe Lunchpail doesn't wear the same sweater that he wears every Sunday that Jesus/God/Allah/Buddah/Sky Fairy will get all confused and cause the kicker to shank one to the right as the clock runs down.

All that being said, I have been petrified to jump on the Seahawks bandwagon this year. For more than 20 years, this team provided me with no reason whatsoever to believe that this season would be anything other than another slightly mediocre year followed by a quick exit from the playoffs.

You would think that this season should've erased all doubts in my mind. After all, they haven't lost a meaningful game since September, they have a seasoned veteran quarterback having his most mistake-free season ever, a running back who was only good enough to break the single season record for touchdowns, an exciting defense that makes big plays, and a totally solid special teams unit.

And yet...

They failed to do the one thing this year that would've shut every east coast-biased, Atlantic time zone, Mike and the Mad Dog-listening douchebag up. THEY FAILED TO BEAT THE GIANTS BY MORE THAN 40 POINTS TWO MONTHS AGO. Ever since that day, there's no impressing anyone. They could've gone completely undefeated, and every conversation I've had with an east coast football fan would've still gone the same way. "I'm just not convinced. They totally lucked out that one game. They didn't beat the Redskins THAT convincingly." And most important and compelling, "They're all the way up there in the middle of nowhere".

Even up until last week, I was still apologizing for sticking up for these guys, telling people it wouldn't surprise me if Carolina kicked their ass (even if I knew in my head that they could easily beat Jake DelHomme, and that the only reason they'd run so far in the playoffs up until now was that they'd played two teams that didn't take them seriously, and couldn't game plan on either side of the ball to save their lives).

I'm also aware that pressure is a very real thing, and that the more I go around tooting the Hawks horn, that adds 1 one millionth more of a weight onto their shoulders as they go out there next Sunday.

So let me just say this. In the least cocky, non-pressure creating way I can, I'm going to cheer on the Seattle Seahawks next weekend. The time for keeping quiet is over, but while I'll definitely bring it on gameday, I'm going to sit back and let the pressure on Pittsburgh increase. I've got a lot of respect for Roethlisberger and Bettis, but as they start to see the magnitude of expectations being heaped on them, I think they'll crack, and hopefully Seattle will be there to pick up the pieces.

Now, while I'm on the subject of the Seahawks, let me just air one grievance;

The whole '12th man' thing, just stop it already. It smacks of something that a small town with a crummy team has to do rile up support amongst the yahoos. Yes, we get it, you have passionate fans, I'm one of them, but so does everyone else, and #12 wasn't exactly the MVP of the team while they were getting their heads kicked in the last 20 years, so why are y'all taking so much credit now?

So Knock on wood, cross fingers and toes and put on your lucky socks people! It's time for the Seahawks to play in a Super Bowl!!!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Marco Baghdatis' Girlfriend makes Marat Safin's Look Like A Pile Of Puke...

The Internet has totally let me down again in that any and all searches for 'Marco Baghdatis girlfriend' or even just 'Marco Baghdatis' yield next to nothing.

For now, you'll have to take it on good faith that in the race for 'hottest tennis player's girlfriend', the guy who sounds like his name came from some Jerry Bruckheimer terrorist name generator has a blonde little number that makes 'The future Mrs. Kornheiser' look like pre-op Phyllis Diller.


P.S. A Seahawks Superbowl preview is coming. I just don't want to blow my wad too early, if you catch my meaning, which I hope you don't, because I'm not sure what I mean by it myself.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Ladies And Gentlemen... the new Alex Rodriguez

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Stephen A. Smith Is Wrong For Once (O.K., Maybe the 100th Time)...

Today on Sportscenter, Stephen A. 'Med-ve-den-ko' Smith' proclaimed Allen Iverson to be better than Kobe Bryant based on the players that surround each guy. Now, as Smith would say, "Let me make one thing perfectly clear". I'm no fan of Kobe Bryant. I happen to think he's one of the biggest walking douchebags in the league. But let's just take a quick look at a player by player comparison of who 'Drive-by-verson' plays with compared to Kobe's 'help';

Center; Dalembert vs. Mihm: A wash. Maybe a slight advantage to Dalembert, just because he's Haitian (and Mihm went to Texas and they just won the National championship so screw them).

Power Forward; Webber vs. Brian Cook: Not very close. Webber by about 34 Power Forwards in the league.

Shooting Forward; Korver vs. Odom: Maybe Odom by a tiny bit due to versatility. I'd rather have Korver on my team just for consistency.

Shooting Guard; Iguodala vs. Bryant: As fun as Andre is to watch, c'mon, don't be stupid... The asshole rapist in a landslide.

Point Guard; Iverson vs. Smush Parker: About as lopsided as you can get.

So just to recap, the Lakers barely are better at one and a half positions and the Sixers dominate heavily in three and a half positions, almost laughably so.

Good point Stephen. It's so obvious to me now how much more valuable Allen Iverson is to his team. It's nice to see that you don't let home-town feelings cloud your judgement when it comes to basketball.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Pre, Pre-Dictions, Pre, Pre, Pre-Dictions!!!

Time once again to ensure that I look foolish 3 to 4 weeks from now by offering IRON CLAD locks for upcoming football. These picks are as solid as Bob Weiss' job security as Seattle Supersonics head coach!

Here goes!!!

First, College Football;

FSU v. PSU. 28-17 Penn State. Honestly, who gives a shit, but in the Geezers at Caesars, I'll give a slight advantage to the greasy guy with sunglasses over the old racist redneck. UPDATE: Woohoo, 1 for 1!!

Texas v. USC. 38-10 Trojans. Is there anything more predictable than the way the media have handled this game. First they go on for 3 weeks about how dominant USC is, then, realizing that everyone's losing interest, suddenly start talking about how 'the media' (which, as you'll remember, is them) hasn't been giving Texas any credit. It's like watching a retarded kid try and do calculus. UPDATE: Ok I blew it, but if Reggie Bush hadn't gone momentarily brain dead and lateralled that ball in the 2nd quarter, USC would've won by 30...

Now, Pro Football;

Tampa Bay 28, Washington 9. If the Redskins were from any other part of the country, people would be shaking their head in disbelief that they're even in the playoffs. As little faith as I have in Chris Simms, I still think he's got more in the tank than Brunell at this point. UPDATE: Woopsie... I guess Washington's pretty good defensively. Seattle will still kick their ass, however.

Patriots 30, Jacksonville 28. Closer than people think, but who the hell can name more than 3 Jaguars? UPDATE: Not so close after all.

Carolina 33, NY Giants 3. Eli Manning is a tool, a geek, and an ingrate. His draft day shenanigans will come back to bite him in the ass over the next couple of years as he makes Chad Pennington look like the reliable East Rutherford quarterback. UPDATE: Hell fuckin' yeah, I was right! Maybe this will finally shut up the assholes saying that Shawn Alexander shouldn't have won MVP and Tiki '45 yards' Barber should have! Of course, in the grand tradition of East coast biased douchebags, sportswriters are now proclaiming themselves victims, saying that everyone's desperate to criticize Manning and the Giants BECAUSE they were built up so much!!! What the fuck? Take your defeat like a man, New York!!

Cincinnati 45, Pittsburgh 35. Chad Johnson becomes a super, superstar. UPDATE: Maybe not. Good game plan on Pittsburgh's part. I wouldn't have ever thought of breaking the leg of the deserved AFC MVP. Shut up Pitts-town, you know it's true.


Chicago 9, Tampa Bay 6. The single worst playoff game ever.

Seattle 28, Carolina 25 in OT. Great game with a 50 yard field goal to win it.

Bengals 21, Denver 13. Here's everything you need to know about this game; Jake Plummer running plays drawn up by offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak.

Patriots 48, Colts 42 in OT. Brady goes apeshit bonkers in the game that seals his reputation as the new Montana and seals Peyton Manning's reputation as the new Alex Rodriguez.

AFC/NFC Title games;

Seattle 6, Chicago 0. New single worst playoff game ever.

Cincinnati 28, New England 14. Patriots suffer complete let down after emotional victory in Indianapolis while Chad Johnson continues to become the most popular player in the league.

Superbowl XL;

Cincinnati 31, Seattle 28. Won on a last second field goal. Lowest rated Superbowl ever, but probably the most entertaining.

That's it. Put it in the bank, bitches!!!!