Please Put One Of These Teams Out Of Their Misery

Thank the sweet lord that either the Detroit Pistons or Miami Heat will finally be given their walking papers tonight. If this were a best of 9 series, I don't think I could put up with much more.

If the Pistons lose, we don't have to watch Larry Brown die in front of us anymore. Every press conference looks like he just got out of chemo and realizes that he'll have to back in a couple of days for more treatment. There's no way imaginable that he comes back next year to coach this team. I'm not even sure if half of the team is even aware that he is still coaching. At this point, Larry's like a dying relative that hangs around the house while everyone else tries hard to not get too attached to him because he's definitely on the way out.

And if it's time for the Heat to go, it'll just be nice to know that Dwayne Wade's heart won't explode from trying to drag 300 pounds of Shaquille O'Neal and the entire rest of the team into the finals. Plus, it might spare us from the ridiculous egos that would be created if the Heat made it to the finals. People who have been undeservedly riding lucky streaks of getting traded to good teams like Robert Horry and Sam Cassell would look like nothing compared to the amount of self-gratification that we'd be treated to from Damon Jones and Rasual Butler. And don't even get me started on how much garbage Alonzo Mourning would start to spew.

So whoever wins tonight, I'll be alright with it. Pressed to choose, I'd probably prefer to see Miami in it because it's nice to see someone different at least make the finals, and because even though I complained about it before, getting to see Shaq take a few more pointless shots at Kobe Bryant would indeed be fun to watch.