Wednesday, June 01, 2005

The Time Has Come To Shut Your Trap

Kazaam! Like an urban 'Bewitched'!

Now we can look forward to 2 days of "The Pistons will win it all" talk from the same people who have spent the last two days proclaiming Dwayne Wade to be akin to a unstoppable robot-killing-machine version of Oscar Robertson. I know it wouldn't make for fascinating television, but it would be nice to hear one sports pundit say, "These teams are pretty evenly matched, and since they both have a tendency to simply not show up every once in awhile, predicting who will win game by game is utterly pointless.

The person who really needs to stop, however, is Shaquille O'Neal. Yes, yes, we get it, the Lakers were idiots for letting you go, you were more dominating this year than Kobe Bryant and how dare they etc, etc. You got 5 rebounds last night! That's one less than Quentin Richardson got on Monday night.

Granted, Shaq is a ridiculous freak of nature. He changed the game and officials have never known what to do about it. But he also invented a strategy wherein you can win games by fouling him because he's so awful from the charity stripe. Can you really make the argument that the best player of all time can be the worst of his entire era in one very vital part of the game?

So Shaq, I beg you, don't give any more interviews until you win the whole thing (which you won't). Show some humility, try and pretend you're not aging gracelessly and maybe some day you can backup Darko Milicic and win your fourth ring.


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