Thursday, March 24, 2005

What's Up With Rachel Nichols?

Rachel's that new ESPN reporter that seems to be everywhere, kind of like Andrea Kramer used to be. They seem to ship her off to another empty stadium every single day to talk for about 30 seconds, especially if it's a Miami Heat game (there's even been speculation that she's stalking Shaqille O'Neal).

I recently read something that said they use her and Jay "Beefcake" Bilas a lot because of the whole HDTV thing, that her and Jay have really blue eyes that show up well on High Def. It's nice to know that in the future, all news and sports will be read by people that have haunting cat's eyes, hypnotizing me to subscribe to the INsider... Must...call cable company... tell them to carry ESPN-U..... Perhaps the days of Hypno-toad aren't as far off as we thought.

Oh well, she seems competent enough I guess, but what's up with the way she says 'ESPN'? It's almost like someone catches her in the mouth with a fish hook just as she's wrapping up each time, so she winds up saying, "Rachel Nichols, ESP-eahhhhN".

Speaking of Bilas, stay tuned as we buckle to public demand to lay off Jay-jay and instead focus all of our rage against Duke's biggest apologist, Billy 'Mrs. Redick' Packer.

59 Comments:

At 2:11 PM, Blogger LD said...

Rachel must have an uncle or something at ESPN, because she always gets the best assignments. She was following the Pats during the playoffs, the Heat, I think she was even at the press conferences where they cancelled the NHL season. Plus, when she wraps up her reports, the studio anchor ALWAYS, without fail, says "Thank You Rachel." They don't do that to Ed Werder. They usually just cut him off and tease upcoming stories before going to commercial.

 
At 12:09 AM, Blogger Corey said...

She also has some highly-played unfunny Page 2 column.

She doesn't confuse me half as much as Dana Jacobson. Smart, absolutely but when I'm not sure if she's a moderately attractive woman or a 200-pound man, I'm a little concerned.

 
At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Jimmy said...

I didn't know what to think at first, but now I've gotten used to her. She is a lot better now than she was at first. Actually I have a little crush on her. She has pretty eyes and a nice mouth. I mean, look at those lips! We just need to get a look at that butt though. It seems to be a secret or something.

 
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes I bet her butt is nice. Maybe there is some kind of blooper tape that the camera man took a good shot of her butt. I do love the lips though. She is real sexy! Are there any pictures of her? Maybe she will grace the pages of Maxim.

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Apogeal said...

For once, I must be middle-America because I love Dana Jacobson. On the show, the hosts were out in front of Ceasar's Palace shooting hoops and doing the Sumo thing and I was loving looking at her. She's looked pretty ordinary in older photos I've seen on the net, but she's a swan now, baby!

Nichols? Love em' both. But then, I like all the women at ESPN.

 
At 9:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She is really hot in my opinion. I bet she's awesome in bed.

 
At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel is incredibly sexy!!

 
At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel is naturally sexy, even without make-up. I just wish she could control her snoring.

 
At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Zenbooty said...

Just did some research, and have read that she is the daughter-in-law of Diane Sawyer.

 
At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hence the highly-played, unfunny column and the great assignments.
Is it just me, or is every time Scoop Jackson is on the "Holla Back" segment he's trying to make a pass or some kinda sexual innuendo w/ Dana? Just curious...

P.S. Dana Jacobson is the hotness

 
At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew she was just some east-coast rich guys daughter who, technically did go to college and work hard, but lived in a nice house, had a 50,000 car, and probably always told her "poor" friends that she was "broke". Then daddy calls his golf buddy and BAM! She is traveling with the Miami Heat and Pats..... Isn't America great!

 
At 11:04 AM, Anonymous deadsaxy (Lo) said...

Rachel Nichols is nerd-sexy like Tina Fey. All she needs is some glasses. I love nerd-sexy!

 
At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no uncle at espn...how bout step-daughter of diane sawyer

 
At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looked her up. Turns out she went to Northwestern and worked at the Washington Post, among other places. I'm sure the Diane Sawyer thing didn't hurt, but she has a pretty long resume. And she's cute too. No Erin Andrews, though.

 
At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's irritating.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

I love how these idiots continue to post comments on a year-and-a-half old blog entry. Maybe they can update us on some of their fancy, new Judge Ito jokes?

Seriously, if you're spending your time trying to clarrify your opinion on Rachel Nichols years after she's hit the scene, you need to turn in your computer and get the fuck out of your parents' basement.

 
At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Ryan said...

So, I'm pretty sure Jeff wins the biggest hypocrite award.

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger bownahman said...

She's pretty sexy. I'm not sure why, can't really see much form the chest, nice face and the red hair some reason turns me on. Need an ass shot, seriously, Maybe Stuart Scott can hook me up with a few shots, or a night at a hotel... gigidy gigidy!!



I'd do everything to her.

 
At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys with boners for Dana Jacobson must be Michigan fans. Gross.

Rachel Nichols? I would hit it. But she's got to do something with that hair. It's been that weird, unnatural shade of red for a long time. How about doing something a little more natural, or get highlights? I am also disappointed that I've never seen any photos of her body. They may be hiding something.

 
At 4:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel and Suzie, Does MNF get any better with those 2 hotties on the tube? and Rachel's hair is HOT. love fiery redheads !!!!

 
At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you people serious?! Rachel Nichols has to be the worst sports reporter ESPN has! Admittedly she has gotten a bit better...but I agree that there has to be an uncle somewhere up the ranks that keeps her working. And, Rachel, cool down the eyeliner and bad hair job...you're not in 1992 anymore!

 
At 12:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

racheal, i love you... me and a majority of the ESPN viewers (that's why you are still here). I also love the eyeliner and the amazing hairjob!

 
At 12:13 PM, Anonymous Charlotte said...

Just so everyone knows, Rachel's step mother-in-law is Diane Sawyer. A friend of mine worked at ESPN for 3 years and he said that a lot of people can't stand her. The only reason she got the job is because of who she is related to and I'm sorry but that is the only reason she still has the job.... It's not because people love her and she does a great job, because she's horrible! She needs a better dye job, she needs braces, she needs to say ESPN properly, she needs to do some research so she can sound like she knows what the hell she's talking about, she needs to sound a lot more natural when she's talking and not sound so rehearsed, and she needs to BLINK! And the link between Diane Sawyer and ESPN..... She works for ABC and ESPN does all the sports programing for ABC..... That girl's sitting pretty..... She's gotta mess up BIGTIME before they're gonna get rid of her..... Let's hope that day comes soon.......

 
At 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to bust her whole wide open. i would be the happiest human on the planet.

 
At 12:27 AM, Anonymous adam boliek said...

no joke....i was actually just out at one of the bars in town watching my beloved Mets. I start to hit on this girl because she smelled like vanilla. haha, anywayz, my buddy says to me, "she looks familiar doesn't she?" I said kind of. After thinking long and hard, it was Rachel Nichols, espehhhhhnnnn. i had to say something, so i introduced myself and it turns out she was in town covering Gator football. she's not that hot in person, but she drinks Amstel and thats sexy.

 
At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's married to the son of Mike Nichols (and Sawyer's husband), the director of The Graduate among other movies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Nichols

 
At 4:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This girl knows somebody, and did before she got married. Ever see the movie, "Celtic Pride?"

Look at the person sitting right next to Marv Albert....None other than...Rachel Alexander!!!

This girl has no talent and knows very little about sports. She is fairly nice to look at...after a couple of beers, maybe. If I want hot chicks, I'll watch Deal or No Deal. I want to know about Dwayne Wade, give me back David Aldridge, please.

 
At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whenever she is on, I watch sports center, even if she is talking about crap sports such as golf or tennis. She gets my attention by her looks which then causes me to listen...

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger Bernie said...

Just goes to show that average looks can be magnified with the right attitude and edge...her secret weapon is that "are you horny?" look she gives us at the end of every report :-). Long live Rachel Nichols!

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Bernie said...

I also find all the negative comments about Rachel hilarious as they are transparentlymcoming from women (most)....PLEASE RETRACT CLAWS.

 
At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

RN is the step-daughter of Dianne Sawyer. By the way, when she was at Northwestern, she did a friend of my girlfriend. A little bi-curious maybe? A couple of pitchers at Blackhawks night, then back to the dorm and let the rug-munchin begin. Also, the rumor is, that she has a brazilian. (shaved who-haw) She looks hot to me, even though her hair color looks like someone spilled the copier toner on her head. Rock on Rach!

 
At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on, are you all blind? She's the goofiest thing on ESPN. Anyone is hot next to her. Her recap and stupid little cliches at the end of her report are almost unwatchable. I tell my kids to turn the TV down when she comes on. Get a life!

 
At 3:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think she's pretty dog ugly. Her hair sucks with that messed up dye job, the way she says ESPN is stupid, and her teeth are terrible.

 
At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's the worst! Have you ever seen them go Live to her? She's always reading off a script because she's stupid. And for those with HD, check out the massive zits.

 
At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have an HDTV ...and there's something very strange about this woman. 1 week she has spots all over her face...then 1 week she has way too much make up ....then the next week it's like she has 2 black eyes ..then the next week she's beautiful...then the next week it's back to looking like a homeless woman.

Thank God for HDTV ..because this weird looking woman has been exposed in true 1080/720 color.

Seriosly ...every time I see her on espnHD ..it seems like something is seriously wrong with her.

 
At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel Nichols doesn't have an uncle on ESPN. But she does have a famous mother-in-law at ABC, their parent company that goes by the name of Diane Sawyer. That's why she gets the assignments she gets...
Otherwise, she has limited journalistic prowess and isn't very kind on the eyes. either. ESPN should have kept Thea Andrews or gone after that first girl from the World Poker Tour

 
At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd still stick it in her butt

 
At 7:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

she's annoying. way over dramatic. matter of fact, i change the channel during her assignments.

 
At 11:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look at the pitures of her in Maxim's Hot 100 circa 2004. Amazing body! She is not that talented but I don't care. Anjelina, Cate Beckensale, Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman couldn't act their way out of a paper bag but that doesn't stop me from lookin' at 'em!

 
At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just randomly found this on google after googling Rachel Nichols. I googled her name cause I was just watching Sportscenter and she had a segment that completely ruined the entire episode so I wanted to see if anyone else was tired of her? This website totally answered my question.

 
At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa, not particularly hot. I am in Boston this week and I just saw her at Legal Seafood. She is striking only in that she has really red hair and you notice her from that, but she isn't particularly hot in person, nor could I believe she was in a Maxim spread...but that just goes to show what cameras can do.

 
At 5:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank the good lord no of these morons are professional talent scouts. I mean if you havent noticed lately Rachel Nichols has developed into quite the reporter in her own right and was even voted one of esquiers "Women We Love". So for all the couch critics think before you bash and leave the critiquing to the pros.

 
At 5:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wouldn't want to marry her, but I'd sure love to cum all over her face!
Buck I. Phanne

 
At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i heard her and d wade had something going on

 
At 2:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She is fake as hell.

She looks like a rat.

She seems so unnatural.

She immediately made me think she either slept with someone or had a wealthy/famous relative.

She seems like she likes the smell of her own farts.

Based on all this she annoys the hell out of me whenever she is on.

 
At 8:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's terrible...doesn't know sh** about sports. Ban all female reporters from male sports, ESPECIALLY football

 
At 9:46 PM, Blogger GoogleDork said...

Why, in this day and age, do we have to put up with reporters on ESPN that are HEDIOUS!!! Rachel Nichols looks like a character from a SNL skit... We're not laughing.. Those teeth!!! OMG, does she eat rocks or has she never been to a dentist.. She gives Snaggle Puss a bad name, Sufferin' suck-a-tash!!! Worst of all she SUCKS as a reporter. She dang sure shows them ugly teeth every timr she opens her mouth and her ignorance...Let her cover stories on women's sports on ESPN radio... Great goola goola!! get me outta here!!!

 
At 2:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this lady is horrible. PLEASE GET RID OF HER. Her stupid comments, her over prepared, "don't you think I'm witty" type of approach is sickening.

Please keep her off TV. simply horrible

 
At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can anyone stand to watch her? I have to mute the TV every time she's on just because she's so over-the-top fake. Who the hell talks like that?

 
At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant stand her .her stupid facial expressions when she's quoting someone or when she's done with her segment her head swivels around like an idiot..I have begun to switch the channel as soon as I know they're going to her..SHE SUCKS!!EXTREMELY ANNOYING

 
At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ESPN please take her off the air; every second I hear her speak makes me want to vomit.

 
At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's horrible. I hate to hear her slow deliveries and dead speeches. She kills the mood. I really wonder how she got her job, because she is the worst.

 
At 4:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is my assessment of her:

She is definitely not hot.
She has been "made"hot, she is not natural. That being said, id still love to take her out to dinner :)

In terms of the way she talks and her delivery, SHE SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM ESPN based off just that. She has absolutely the worst delivery, she slowly talks which in my opinion kills the mood and is just plain ol corny. Her voice has become so annoying that I compare it to someone scratching a chalkboard with their fingernails. I feel like she thinks she is absolutely the best anchor on there just because of the way she looks and because she can talk slow.
I am sorry Rachel, but you are wrong. You are a horrible anchor and you should stay on TV but please don't speak or go to something scripted.

I was very curious if I was the only one that noticed how annoying she is and to see this forum, I still have hope in the world.

Is there a I hate Rachel Nichols Facebook page yet? If not, i am on it. I prefer Cheryl Miller over this chick and Cheryl Miller is HORRIBLE TOO but in my opinion ANYTHING is better than Rachel Nichols.

 
At 5:21 AM, Anonymous mike j. said...

I went to school with her at Northwestern.Her real name is Rachel Alexander.She is kind of strange.Dies her hair all types of colors.She has alot of tattoos on her body too.She used to paint her finger/toe nails black too.Also she does have some strange looking teeth too.Also if you get really close to her,her nose is so damn big.

 
At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just wish she'd just stop calling me all the time. Her and Halle Berry and Scarlett Johanssen. They keep calling, all hours of day and night. I tell you, it's hell, being me.

 
At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to go balls deep in Rachel. She is the hottest chick on ESPN to me.

 
At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She is not hot but for some reason i would love to eat her pussy and fuck her hard all night long she looks like she would be a sex machine.

 
At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about try, She is married to Mike Nichols son. Mike Nichols the director, who is married to Diane Sawyer. Which makes her in-laws rich and famous not her own parents.

 
At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Rachel Nichols in Maxim is not the same chic

 

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