Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Haters, Start Your Engines!

Finally, my fantasy basketball team has been mercifully euthanized, so I'm now free to enjoy the NBA again!

Drew's already given his predictions, so here I go.
This one's for the haters...

I would like to point out before I get this thing started, that even though I've been sober for 20 days, I'm still drunk with power after watching clips from last year's ALCS & World Series. That is why I say, for everyone who is sick of hearing about the Sawks and the Pats, You Know It's Coming! -Don't ja? You know the only thing that could make this whole New England nightmare worse is the Celtics winning it all! "Oh the agony, of watching another victory celebration in Boston! Please Jesus, team up with Buddha and Mohammed and let this cup pass! I can't take listening to any more of those loud-mouth Boston douchebags!" (Of which, there are many, I grant you.)

But you know it's gonna happen, right? You can see it already developing: -Shaq limping into the playoffs to play a hot New Jersey team who may get Dick Jefferson back. -Tim Duncan not being at full strength, and San Antonio finishing off the season less than dominate. -Even tonight, Screaming A. Smith picks the Pacers to beat the Celtics in the first round. You know that can't be good for the Pacers! "Oh, no, it's happening again!!! I thought Philadelphia was supposed to run away with the division after they picked up Chris Webber! Ahhhh!!"

Okay, I'm just messing with ya. I would love to pick the Celtics to win it all, but I just can't see them beating Detroit in the second round. Unlike Miami, who is dealing with the injury to Shaq, which makes them vulnerable to a first round loss to the Nets, I can't see Philadelphia doing the Celtics any favors by eliminating Detroit in the first round. But a greedy Boston sports fan, drunk on success can dream, can't he?!

Here we go:
  • First Round: Miami over NJ in 7, Boston over Indiana in 5, Detroit over Philly in 4, Washington over Chicago in 6 (Sorry, Wilbon. I love the Baby Bulls, but too many injuries.)
  • Second Round: Detroit over Boston in 6 (*sniff-sniff!*), Miami over Washington in 4
  • Conference Championship: Detroit over Miami in 7
  • First Round: Phoenix over Memphis in 5, Denver over San Antonio in 6, Seattle over Sacramento in 7, Dallas over Houston in 6
  • Second Round: Dallas over Phoenix in 7, Denver over Seattle in 7
  • Conference Championship: Dallas over Denver in 7
NBA Championship:
Detroit over Dallas in 6.

All hail our new ruler, Darko Milicic!


At 10:57 AM, Blogger Norbizness said...

Seriously, there should be a device where the volume of Stephen A. Smith's voice could be converted into electric current, which is in turn supplied to his gonads. It might go something like this:

"Rasho Nesterovic? RASHO NESTER (zzzzzaappppp) FUCK (zzzzzappp) (passes out) (crotch catches on fire)"

As for the playoffs, your picks seem reasonable. I wish the Rockets would have tanked a little at the end to get the Sonics rather than the Mavs.

At 12:19 PM, Blogger Drew said...

You left out the part where Tim Legler puts the fire in Stephen's crotch out, WITH HIS MOUTH.

Ahhhh Yay-uhhhh....


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