Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Despite what you've been conditioned to believe, today is the true Thanksgiving celebration. In fact, instead of people throwing around useless statistics about the effect the tournament has on office productivity, these next 4 days should be declared national holidays for everyone to enjoy. Therefore, what better day than today to reflect on all your good fortune? Feel free to address whichever deity you prefer, be that spirit, demigod, animal, plant, rock, DVD, or television personality.

[Just an aside here, the popular version of Thanksgiving is a load of shit. "Yes, let's celebrate the last time the Native Americans sat at a table with colonists before they fell victim to the most systematic and extensive genocide the world has ever known, all at the hands of their dinner hosts." It's like Chris Rock says, (paraphrasing) "A lot of people have had it bad, but no one's had it worse than the American Indians. How do I know? Because there's none of them left! Where are they?!" Sand and true.]

So let's all do our part and set aside a little time to reflect on our good fortune. Here, I'll go first:
I'm thankful that everyone I know is healthy (especially Oswald), that I have lots of friends, that I am unemployed during this Holiest of sporting events, that I live where I do, that downloading music remains a virtually unprosecutable crime, that my Tivo continues to predict the inner workings of my soul, that Illinois is the best team in the country and is about to win it all, and finally for a little television show that will remain nameless.
See how easy that was?

I'd also like to reflect on my (yes) good fortune, having been recently laid off. Ordinarily, this time of year, I'm thankful for my former company's generous sick-day policy, but this year there's no need to fake a cough into a phone. There truly are cosmic forces at work here.

This year is exactly what I used to dream about as a young child, "Can you imagine if you were unemployed during the tournament, St. Patrick's Day was the first round of games, and the Congressional Hearings on Steroids were all on the same day?!" Think fondly of Bourdet, Andrew, and I, all in perfect health, sitting down tomorrow for a green breakfast beer at Zeke's and watching the Kentucky/Eastern Kentucky game. Life is good.

Now for a little perspective: former University of Washington head football coach Rick Neuheisel was fired two years ago for participating in a college basketball pool. Although he wagered much more than you did (I hope), that bracket you intend to fill out on company time while the boss is in a meeting today is obviously a punishable offense. So keep it up you rebels! It's the American Way!

The Neuheisel story does have a happy ending, though. Last week he "settled" his wrongful termination lawsuit against the NCAA to the tune of $4.5 Million dollars. I think, just to be a jerk, he should publicly let a million of that ride on a tournament pool. He would then be the patron saint of gambling and celebrated all throughout Vegas. Anyone know who he's got winning the tournament?

Tournament picks coming soon...


At 5:44 PM, Blogger Chris said...

hey guys,
you guys asked me to add a link to your site, and I thought in exchange I would get a link on your site. My site is Maryland Sports Fans at URL:

At 6:41 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

Mark it 8, dude. 'Sorry for the over-sight.


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